Friday, November 5, 2010

Sadly the Truth

When I think of my blog, I think of writing about the wonderful experience that I'm having...along with a few rough posts. But something has been bothering me lately, and I want to write about it, and since it is part of the "experience" I am going to share it with you.
I am not at all trying to hurt anyone in this post, I'm just speaking MY truth.

Well here goes...
I feel like my host sister doesn't like me, or at least doesn't take me seriously. Shes always commenting on how tired I always am, and that I got 8 hours of sleep so how can I still be tired, and then after a challenging swim practice (for me) she'll say "and that wasn't even a hard practice." I just feel like she's not looking to see who I am, I feel as though she is comparing me to her. I'm a totally different person in a MILLION ways, I just wish she would stop judging.  And she's not even trying to get to know me, she has not once asked me a question about my life, where I'm from or who I am. You can't get to know someone just by reading their application.
I need a lot of sleep to begin with and then throw in 4 hours of working out and everything in a different language, I think I have the right to be tired by Monday. Obviously I'm not used to doing doubles everyday, so this is going to take some getting use to, granted I don't think I will ever get use to it, or at least the lacking sleep part, because just trying to stay awake in school sucks, let alone paying attention and comprehending.
Ana seems to think that I need her help with everything. We have a Bio test on Monday (not going to be pretty) and she came into the living room where I was studying Philosophy and said "we have a Bio test on Monday are you going to study?" Well right now is Friday night, and I'm just trying to pull myself together after a long week, why in the world would I want to study right now? And yes I'm not stupid I know we have a test on Monday, and yes I'm going to study. I just wish she would have a bit of confidence in me. I wish everyone would.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my host sister, its just that I've been feeling fragile and vulnerable lately, and look whats come of that. 

Okay well on a brighter note. We had a presentation in world science today, and the teacher before we (it was in groups) began, came up to me and seemed super surprised that I was going to present too. She said that just for getting up there and speaking that she would give me a good grade. For me right now its just the effort that counts! And to top it off, after reading off my paper I received a small round of applause from the class, and the presentation wasn't even over. In fact I was the first one to speak.
Good to know people are cheering me on.  

Thanks for listening...


  1. I know what you are going to, maybe that is why I have been feel crappy all week.
    I love you more then anything, keep up the hard work.
    <3 Mal

  2. This is not meant as "adult" advice, it is meant as cheerleading...This sounds like one of those - If it doesn't kill you , it only serves to make you stronger, situations. I realize a bromide like that doesn't help much when you are sleep deprived and I'm someone who needs nine hours of sleep. Regardless, I sit here in Maine in awe of your maturity, self-awareness, humor, intelligence and motivation.

    How you do on that Biology test will have little affect on you in 10 years, nor will the little personal hurts from perceived slights, but the fact you are rising to the challenge you chose to to confront will help define you for life. Keep it light, keep it fun. Party on!

    Unca' Chip

  3. Very sage advice from your Unca' Chip and wisely dispensed. You and Ana are definitely two different personalities and competing in a unique way and in such a small environment! Just the emotional exhaustion is enough but add to that the physical component. I think it would be different if you could carve out a little space for yourself but clearly that can't happen in such a small apartment. Are there boarders at your school? I think a lot about your time there and how you must be feeling. You are very brave and strong to push yourself WAY outside your comfort zone. Love, Mimi

  4. Hey Heather...Keep up the good work. You def have people chearing you on, not just in Spain but back here too!

    My "abuela" (grandmother right??) always told me when i get stressed and over tired and all that awesome stuff, is to "take time to smell the flowers.... they are only in bloom for so long." makes sense to me, maybe itll work for you. remember, this is a once in a lifetime thing. enjoy it (oh and let me know if the flowers smell different in spain than america ;)